i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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