dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
