What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
