david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
