so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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