i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
