apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
