Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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