You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
