those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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