i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
