i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
