make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
