I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
