my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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