here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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