I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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