Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
