I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
