he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
