i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bring money and cleavage
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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