i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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