just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
