I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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