you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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