i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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