I can text with my tongue
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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