you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
