ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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