nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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