I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
