you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
