This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
