just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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