She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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