How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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