Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
