I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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