Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
