I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My boob is missing a layer of skin
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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