i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
