My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
