so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
