i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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