On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
