i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
