Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
