I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
