College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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