I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
