dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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