Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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