I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
