DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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