people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
