I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
