I smell stomach acid.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
