So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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